Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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