Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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