one two three fourrrrnication!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
