Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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