i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
