i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
