I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
