I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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