put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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