i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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