You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
