Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
