No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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