the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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