My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
