I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
