Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
