is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
