Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
