My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
