I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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