I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
