i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
