I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
