He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
