You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
