Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
