dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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