So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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