do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
