im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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