get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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