pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
