Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Randomize
