he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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