Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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