You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you had me at cake vodka
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
