I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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