Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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