Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
