Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
