I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
