i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
