its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
