i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
