is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
