if you like me you must not know who I am
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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