If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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