Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
