I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
